Family Month Message 1: Walking with God in Singleness and Dating

<1 Co 7>

7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

29 What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

<Mt 19:12> For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Debunking myths of singleness.

1) Myth: Marriage is superior to Singleness.

• Truth: Bible teaches that marriage is good, but so is singleness.
• In heaven, there is no marriage between humans, but only between Christ and the Church.
• Do not turn marriage into an idol.
• Happiness and completeness are found not in a spouse but in Christ.
• Marriage cannot satisfy our deepest longings. Only Christ can.

2) Myth: If I am single, that means I am not that good.

• Truth: Our worth comes from God, not our marital status.
• Every person, whether single or married, is made in the image of God.
• Thus, reject all feelings of inferiority, self-pity, and stop feeling unwanted and unloved.
• Jesus, the most perfect human, lived a glorious life as an unmarried person.
• Paul was also greatly used by God when unmarried.

3) Myth: Singleness is a problem, not a “gift”.

• Truth: The Bible paints singleness in very positive terms.
• What torments singles most is not their unmarried status, but when they cannot see God’s love and grand plan for them.
• It doesn’t mean that problem is solved upon moving from singleness to marriage.
• Both singleness and marriage hv their own sets of challenges and joys.
• So both are God’s “gifts”, both need God’s “grace”.

4) Myth: Singles enjoy less fulfilling life, love and joy than the married.

• Truth: The season (or life) of singleness is also purposeful.
• God’s first commission to mankind is to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth <Gen 1:28>. Christ’s Great Commission is to multiply disciples <Mt 28:18–20>. The former requires marriage, but not the latter.
• Even singles have a glorious divine mission to participate in.
• “…do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” <Gal 5:13>
• Be deeply involved in the church family that God has prepared for you.
• God meets our needs for love and intimacy not just through marriage.
• Jesus defined “family” not just by blood ties: “Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” <Mk 3:35>
• Importantly, Jesus called believers His friends <Jn 15:13–15>.

Single and hoping to find someone to date and marry?

1) Why must date/marry a Christian?

• <2 Co 6:14> Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
• <1 Co 7:39>A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
• Old Testament warns against Israelites intermarrying with foreigners.
• Unbelieving spouse may cause us to distance from God.
• Different life values can lead to conflicts, disappointments, and lack of connection.

2) Trust God more than holding onto someone “good” in your eyes but without God’s “go-ahead”.

• Never recklessly settle for anyone because of loneliness or age, etc.

3) Even if the person is a Christian, consider him holistically:

• What are his strengths that attract you?
• Are you able to tolerate his shortcomings, even if he does not change?
• Can this person draw you closer to God and help you grow spiritually?
• Will God be pleased if you date/marry this person?

4) What about dating apps and websites?

• Not a sin to use, but have serious concerns.
• Hard to differentiate what is real vs illusion.
• Does not facilitate commitment.
• May bring hurts, disappointments, careless dating/flirting.
• Trust God more than algorithms for a good match.

5) Whether eventually will enter into marriage or not, continue to prepare yourself for marriage with your eternal groom, Christ Jesus.

• “…be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” <Php 1:10-11>
• Pursue Christlikeness.
• Go deeper into your relationship with God, to love Him and enjoy His love.