How Do You Look At A Person?

Throughout our life, we are constantly learning how to judge the people around us. In school, we will look at how different classmates and friends are like to see if we will click with them. And in work, we will look at the character of our boss or the dynamics with our colleagues. We are always observing, analysing and our hearts will develop a lot of opinions or views about another. At times, when we have made a wrong judgment and gotten hurt, we will also start to grow in defensiveness and thus leading to certain trust issues. I believe that all of us here have accumulated some sort of internal standard or measurement of how we look at another person. But as we do so, have we introspected some questions? Is our judgment absolute? Is our standard of judgment on the other the same as God’s perspective? We must first objectively see that all our opinions and analysis on others are based off our past experiences, personal character and inclinations. For example, an introverted person may not like to hang out with overly energetic and overwhelming personalities. Or fast-paced workers cannot stand working with those prone to procrastinate or require more time to process things. It could also be the way we are influenced throughout our lives that cause us to define success or goodness in a certain way. This can be seen in 1 Samuel 16, a story we may be familiar with. Here, Samuel is going to Jesse’s house to anoint the next king as God has instructed. And right before Samuel, stood Jesse’s 7 sons, some looked tall and capable. But what did God say? 1 Samuel 16:7 “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” The Lord knows that we tend to look at the vibes that someone gives us, their looks or accomplishments. We all like to lean towards things that suit our heart’s desires. But that, in itself, is the wrong starting point of how we look at a person. Because very quickly, we will start to feel disappointed and hurt from the person’s change, or stir up wrong assumptions, causing misunderstanding and strife.

The gospel gives us the right standard to look at a person

Therefore, for those of us who have already know God and know God’s truth, we have to develop a renewed perspective of how we look at another. It should no longer be based on our past experiences and ideals of what is right or wrong. We need to go back to what the gospel says and let it become our only standard of judgment because only God’s word gives us a holistic and right perspective of a person’s life and particularly, their hearts. As we continue to receive the Word from the Lord, through church, through cell groups, through our own devotions and prayers, we will start to go back to a heart of humility, submission and renewal, allowing us to grow in love and truth, instead of dwelling in assumptions or subjective opinions. The counsel of God from His gospel will give our spirits the direction to look deeper than the surface of a person’s faults or weaknesses, and to their backgrounds and the hindsight of how the forces of darkness may be at work on them or the situation. So the gospel is not merely information to be acknowledged and be stored up in our hearts, but to also be applied to how we look at the people around us with a spiritually sound angle. Also, we must understand that the church requires different types of people to support different people, ministries and servings. Thus, we should not be exclusive to a certain group of people that are closer to our character but see that all that God has created are wonderful. And because we all have different gifts, characters and working style, yet God has placed all of us together, we should all the more see this as a God-given blessed setting, to value each other and be hopeful of each other’s lives.

So how should we look at a person?

Finally, let us look at this verse about David. 1 Samuel 22:2 “All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him, and he became their commander. About four hundred men were with him.” Now the people in this verse are those that are not being valued by others and looked down upon. But they have followed David under his command and later on, when David became king, some of these people even went on to be his generals and soldiers. So here, it is telling us that a truly blessed servant of the Lord is one that can gather people of different conditions and still uplift them to live out their potential.

Therefore, here are 3 points that we can look into on how we should look at a person instead.

Embrace first, then give thanks and anticipate God’s work on their life.

No matter how a person may be like, whether they please you or not, embrace them first and give thanks for them. Now let me emphasise here again because we always tend to be driven by emotions. My daughter, Liora, has a very strong personality, and she is more emotionally needy, requiring a longer time to coax and has a mind of her own. So she can really give me a hard time when it comes to handling her emotions and behaviour. But she is also the one that gives me and randy the great joy. Because with her temperaments aside, she is actually a very matured, teachable and loving girl. Her brother enjoys her company the most and she is a great consolation to me when I get tired. So you see, when we start to embrace and give thanks for the person, instead of harping on their shortcomings, we will begin to discover the beauty of their identity and purpose, God’s perfect will for their lives.

Through God’s intervention, help mould the person.

Next, as we are able to give thanks for the person, anticipating the work of God on them, God will also give you the heart and guidance to edify this person and help mould him or her spiritually. Now, this is not beginning from a heart that wants to change the person according to your own standards or desires, but to test and approve along with them the way God would like them to think through things, make decisions and act on different situations. If we have certain negative pre-determined mindset about a person, they can feel it, and naturally, it will be hard for them to be ministered by you because they will have a sense of resistance. Therefore, whatever areas we may feel rejection towards a person, we need to work on it, and change our perspective to one that reflects God’s love and hope so that we may edify and benefit, instead of seeming judgmental or unapproachable through our internal opinions.

Enter a co-working relationship with the person.

Finally, for those of us who have already been moulded by God, through faith and His word, we should try to take the first step, if possible, to enter into a co-working relationship with the person, especially if it is a church brethren or colleague at work. Just as we have read in the verse earlier, David co worked and went into battle with the group of distressed people. Even though there may be some kind of friction or disagreements in between, this is exactly the path where you will learn the lesson of love and wisdom. If we only stick to the group of people we “click” with and remain in comfort zone, your lives or the other person’s life will not receive breakthroughs. You may only be able to shepherd and interact with a certain group of people. But God calls us to co-work with different kinds of people because just like a choir, everyone may sing differently. Some may be tenor, alto, soprano, bass, while others may be doing some ad-libs, but the beauty in it is that when it all comes together, that is where the harmonising sets in beautifully. All different but in harmony that is pleasing to the ears. That is the beauty of God’s creation. How we have a spiritual perspective in things despite the differences, and be in unison according to the Lord’s conviction. In this way, you are definitely doing what pleases God.

Now, this lesson of perspective and how we look at another is not an easy feat. But may the Lord’s word and leading in our spirit continue to guide us through. God bless.